Don't keep looking back

For as long as I can remember I have spent a countless number of hours overthinking. Laying wide awake in bed, knowing I have to be up early in the morning for work. At work zoning out with my airpods in. Being silent in groups. Just always so stuck in my thoughts. Thinking about all the ways that I may feel my life has been shitty and wishing I could change so many things. It always starts off as a random thought that passes by, sometimes it's about the most random thing like an old friend from grade school or a vacation. Then before I know it I am knee deep in a pile of my worst thoughts, moments, memories and biggest regrets. While feeling upset about something that I just said I was over, feeling down about things that I was excited about, and just wanting to lay in bed in a ball. My emotions about these past events are 100% valid every time that I go down this spiral, I have every right to feel sad, betrayed, or however I may be feeling about it. It is important to process emotions and allow your spirit to feel them, I hope that those reading allow themselves to really feel their emotions as well. While my feelings may be valid, I had to understand that I can't waste my time on meaningless thoughts. No matter how hurt, embarrassed, or traumatized that I may be about something, life went on and there is nothing that I can do about it, except heal. I think that is one of the hardest pills to swallow. In order to do this I have dug through some of my darkest thoughts, put them on paper, and dissected them (with the help/encouragement of my therapist of course, who happens to be the most patient woman in the world because I am stubborn!). Now I'm gonna be real, reliving that shit sucks. It is one of the most vulnerable processes but, in the end it allowed me to make peace with my feelings so that they can then pass. I have even started dissecting things as they happen, when I find myself feeling embarrassed, upset, or bothered I take a second to come to peace with or rectify the situation if needed, and allow the feelings to pass. I force myself to do this because I want to train my mind to understand We must not look back! Track stars do not look behind them when running a race because if they did they wouldn't preform their best, you must be focused. Those runners ability to 'lock in' is something I now try to incorporate in my daily way of living. We can only control the now, we have to keep pushing forward. So allow the feelings to pass and stop looking back, you have all that you need to conquer the obstacle right in front of you. Just keep looking forward